Wednesday, January 20, 2016
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
Saturday, January 9, 2016
Now, to be fair, I have told you guys many times that I am a far better collector than player. I'm more at home crafting things up, building and painting than leaning across a table staring down an opponent. That will all change. NOW.
No more will I ever have to look at a game table and wonder, "will my Stormcast Judicator be able to shoot, should I move, should I stay, I just DON'T KNOW!" That's usually when I have my breakdown and quit the game, flipping the table in a fit of rage and confusion. (Lucky for me I solo a lot, so nobody has beaten the shit out of me yet.)
Well, never again guys. You tournament players will start to KNOW MY FACE as I start owning your pansy asses. I have a CITADEL RANGEFINDER. I know how far things are now. I know where that Land Raider goes. I know how to deep strike. I know when you're in range of my Whirlwind! I own the landscape, BABY!
I cannot begin to tell you how cool this thing is. It is just a tape measure, sure. But it's a $33(US) tape measure. You know the minute you pick it up, it's made of pure sigmarite (might be pot metal, not sure...). It's heavy and it's big. Too big to game with, that's it's major secret. It's really heavy, did I mention that? and Round... yes, round, so if you drop it, it kind of rolls... Brilliance. Did I mention it was too big? The thing is like a hunk of sigmarite-sausage and it weighs 10 freaking pounds. I think half my opponents fear the idea of me throwing it more than simply losing to me.
When someone see's you come to the table with your Citadel Rangefinder, they will RUN. (Someone said they were laughing at me, not running, but I thought I smelled fear).
And get this...
" the diecast case holds a metal tape measure with markings at the half-inch, three-inch, 12-inch and eighteen-inch points – all the important measurements for combat in games of Warhammer Age of Sigmar! "What other tape measure has markings so carefully placed there? I mean who knew? Marking a tape measure with... ummm... measurements. It's a fucking brain exploding idea there. You're not going to find a tape measure with markings like that at any local freaking hardware store for $2, I'll tell you that right now! Oh sure, they may have one with inches, and one with CM, maybe even one with both. But who in hell ever thought of this? CITADEL DID! (All you GW haters are pretty envious right now, I bet, cuz you can't buy one.)
This tape measure has changed my gaming life, I am here to tell you. Where before I wavered at the sight of opponents, now I stride confidently into the gaming room. With my Citadel Combat Gauge around my neck and my Rangefinder in hand, I have my opponents quaking in fear. Most of them cannot bear to look me in the eyes. (I thought I heard snickering once, but I turned quickly and saw them still shaking...)
Yep, I own the Meta now...
All these years I have told my wife what 8 inches is like... Now I can prove it. (Note... I think my own Rangefinder may be a little undercalibrated...)
To anyone who thinks I am even a little serious... Please. This is a $33 piece of crap tape measure. Go to a store, spend $2 on a cheap one and the rest on beer. This thing is a fucking joke. The worst part? I actually did buy one to look at and do this review, so who is laughing now? You guys and GW :)
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
If you're not familiar with the black library audio line, let me describe. They have audiobooks, which are narrations of the different print books in their line. A very handy way to 'read' a book if you have a long commute or other times that you have to devote to listening while you do other things. The audio dramas, on the other hand, are small (1 hour-ish) plays like old time radio shows. I find most of the audio dramas to be cracking good and I have my fair share of them.
I'm also a big fan of Nathaniel Garro (a former captain of the Death Guard Legion, survivor of Isstvan III, hero of the Eisenstein and all around good guy.) This boxed set is all 6 of the currently released Garro audio dramas, and I really enjoy each of them. At $80 (US) it's a bit pricey, but the single dramas in the series range in price from $4 to $30, so you do a get a decent enough break on the 6-pack. You also get the script of each drama and some bonus wallpapers. All of the dramas are written by James Swallow, and he is a damned fine author, IMHO.
The dramas take you along the path he treads after the events of the Eisenstein all the way up to him involved with the founding of the "secretive order dedicated to the eradication of chaos" *cough*Grey Knights*cough*...
As much as I would love to tell the story of the Knight Errant, it would spoil it for those how have not heard it, let me just say that the story arc across the 6 books is at once exciting, uplifting and sort of gut wrenching too. Garro has to make some weighty decisions along the way and some are pretty tough.
Technically, these audio dramas show marked improvement along the arc. They mirror the production value of all the black library dramas. In the beginning ones, the sound effects are a little cheesey and the editing is a bit wonky here and there. As they go on, they get better and better until in the final story, they are really very professional and well done.
The stories pull you in and really make you root for the 'good guys'. I have to say, my personal favorite is "Legion of One", mostly because of the really cool character who makes a come-back. The stories are all set in the Horus Heresy era, so they fit in with the times nowadays.
So, if you have put off these audio dramas, I would urge you to take a listen to one that covers something you like. They are a bit pricey, but they are good, and you really can listen to them over and over.