Monday, March 4, 2013

Tools of the Trade: Paint Mixer

(Originally posted in the Screaming Heretic Forums!)

  So, there I was, tons of paint pots and sore arms. (Don't ask...)

  I needed a paint shaker, i was really tired of shaking by hand.  It also looks really gay.. i mean, silly.  I have a Badger whirly mixer that goes in the pot and stirs it, but it always seems to me to waste paint. I needed something else.

  Enter the electric carving knife...

  Yep, you heard me right, the same device used to decimate countless thanksgiving turkeys could save me.

  So, here are the steps.

  1. Obtain a decent electric carving knife. If you don't have an old stained one in the kitchen, you might be a vegetarian... Wal-Mart sells a cheapo for $20. You don't need expensive, you want cheap.

  2. Take the blades out and go to your nearest bench grinder. If you don't have a bench grinder, find a friend or neighbor that has one. You just need it for a few minutes. You have to use one though, there is no work-around for the next step... All workarounds eventually cause bleeding wounds and I cannot be responsible for your missing fingers.

  3. Grind off the serrations from both blades, grind them little puppies right off. Make that knife edge as blunt and smooth as the backside of a .... never mind.  I would suggest cutting off about a third of the length of the blade as well, but that's up to you.  If a single blade is really wobbly, you may want to cut it back a bit.
  4. Wrap the blades with Duct Tape, top to bottom, but just the blade part.  Leave the part where it connects to the knife alone.   Use the good duct tape, not the dollar store brand, too.

  5. Get some rubber bands and put ONE blade only into the knife. Store the other blade somewhere safe in case you lose blade #1.

  6. Rubber band your pots to the blade (I can fit 3-4 pots easily on mine) and pull the trigger on that new paint shaker you got yourself there. (I assume you plugged it in...)

  Voila - You can shake paints to hell and back without feeling like a complete jerk-o... never mind.